This is undoubtedly the most controversial topic I will be
addressing since I began writing. It is a subject fraught with mines and
any wrong step could have devastating consequences.
The issues
to be addressed are as delicate as they are touchy and people are bound
to take offence. Others still will question my moral right to
pontificate on the topic at hand.
It is therefore proper that I
begin with a caveat. The views I will be expressing in this article are
entirely mine albeit products of my years of interaction and liaison
with the opposite sex. I do not seek to judge anyone. I am only
expressing an opinion and sharing insight on a subject in the hope that
someone somewhere will read it and at least pause and take stock.
I
have even questioned myself if I have the moral credentials to write on
this subject. Those who know me know that I have had my fair share of
liaison with the opposite sex so it sounds as if I am dissing those I
have had dealings with. On the contrary, my experience on this
particular subject places me in good stead to discuss it as I have
enough experience to proffer a candid opinion. I leave the reader to
decide for him/herself if I ought to be the one discussing it. If the
messenger will be a problem, then by all means ignore the messenger and
at least hear the message.
I am discussing the alarming rate of
moral decadence in society. What transpires when a young man and a young
woman get together and the middle ground between total lack of contact
with the opposite sex and wild unrestricted debauchery.
I am
discussing the seeming ease with which a lady gets into bed with a guy
she barely knows and everyone moves on like that’s the way it ought to
be. I am discussing the word love and how it has been bandied around so
much that it is a wonder how people still fall for the word.
Am I
then saying that love does not exist? Far from it. I am only saying
that the concept of love as it ought to be is extremely rare in Nigeria
of today.
People meet, get attracted to each other, hang out a
couple of times and the next thing you hear is that they are in love.
Brother gets a piece of the action, moves on and you here the sister
sulking to all who care to listen that he has broken her heart. Really?
Now
what does love really entail? The concept has been so bastardised that
it is difficult to identify the real deal. There are different variants
and I will discuss those hoping that shorn of all enhancements, people
will see for themselves what they have been getting into.
When a
young man and woman meet and before they can remember their names, they
are already in bed, will any of them wake up tomorrow and listen the
other’s professions of love? Am I then saying that its not possible for
two people who meet and immediately sleep with each other to be in love.
It is possible but highly unlikely!
More often than not, the
attraction and motivation for that relationship is LUST and once a party
(usually the male but sometimes the female) is sated, they move on and
forget the other’s existence until such a time when they have run out of
options for who to sleep with.
Another motivation for liaison is
cash. Usually, a guy with the means will meet a girl and start wooing
her. Next thing, he is showering her with gifts and giving her treats.
She then feels an obligation to recompense him for his kindness and she
goes to bed with him. As the gifts increase, so also do the sessions
indoors.
Suddenly, brother hits a rough patch and the freebies
cease. Sister puts up with him for a while and decides it is beneath her
to hop on a bus with him or take a bike. Soon, frictions set in and
they part. Were they in love? You decide.
Why is it very easy for
women to fall victim of deception by men? Of course women deceive men
too but the ratio is disproportional so we will concentrate on women
here. Why is it very easy for your heads to be put in a vice and
squeezed at will?
I have had beauty queens as friends and its
ironic how lonely they are. Men look at them and assume that for them to
be so beautiful, they must have it all going for them. Friends, more
often than not, they are a lonely bunch. Those interested in taking them
out see them as a trophy to be displayed to friends and acquaintances
like hey, see the kind of babe I’m rolling with. To strike a balance,
these girls milk these usually rich guys dry and move to the next one
when he starts complaining. You want a trophy, then you must be willing
to win a competition!
You should be able to tell when you are a
trophy to a guy. There are two sides to the coin. If he doesn’t want his
friends to see you with him, then watch it babe, you’re a booty call.
If on the other hand, he’s overly enthusiastic to take you out and he’s
just content with you staying glued beside him without any meaningful
gist between both of you, then you’re a trophy.
Sisters, now now
now, what are you still doing with that guy who only calls you when he
wants to have sex and you say he is your boyfriend or that you both are
in love? Wake up and smell the roses, you are nothing but a booty call.
Check it, whenever he calls you and you come, he is in a hurry for both
of you to get undressed and get the show on the road. Afterwards, he
increases the volume on the T.V or he falls into a deep sleep with an
annoying snore to boot. What kind of love is that?
Notice that he
gets shifty and remembers an appointment when you come flying the red
flag or you are not feeling well. Its simple, you are of no use to him
at that moment so it’s best you get on your way while he calls someone
else to serve the purpose.
You are actually not doing yourself
any favours with a guy when you’re always available whenever he calls
you. Once he calls, you drop all you’re doing and come running to him.
Nah, that’s an absolute no no. Don’t you have a life? Trust me, men
respect you more when you’re unavailable sometimes. Like you have an
exam tomorrow and you have to read therefore you can’t come out or you
had a long day at work and you’re tired.
He may seem
disappointed at that moment but if he’s really into you, he’ll
understand that your life does not revolve around his and cut you some
slack. Trust me, when he calls you tomorrow, he’ll be nicer and actually
ASK if he can see you and not just order you to come over to his place.
The
key here of course is not to be a bitch about it and give him a hard
time. If you play hard to get, then he’ll move on. If you stand him up
on two dates, he’ll have to be a real schmuck to ask for a third. Strike
a balance between here am I use me and I’m not available. That’s the
key.
Sisters, it’s perfectly okay to ask a guy what he wants from
you. He shows up at your house today, you all gist for three hours, the
same scenario plays out for a whole week. Then step on the brakes and
catch him off guard by asking him what his intentions are towards you.
Look him in the eye when he’s answering you. You can define that
relationship at that particular spot.
He invites you over to his
house and proceeds to fiddle with your buttons after you have sipped
from the glass of wine he offered you. Whoa, hold your horses mister, I
don’t know you that well and we ain’t that close yet. What am I, a
pick-up?
Now there’s this matter of reputation. People see people
and form an impression about them and make assumptions concerning them.
Three things lead a guy to form an opinion about you. The way you talk,
the company you keep and the things they see you do.
If I’m new
in town and each time you’re within my earshot, you use vulgar and
lascivious words, if I’m not so inclined, I’ll think you’re a vulgar
person and without having exchanged a word with you, I’ll tag you as a
vulgar person and treat you as such so watch what you say, you never
know who’s listening.
Flowing from the above, if I see you
hanging around with the neighbourhood easy lay and you both are real
chummy, I’ll assume you’re available for the asking and won’t bother
forming any serious intentions towards you. Trust me, no guy wants to
propose to a babe who he is worried all his grooms men would have slept
with by the wedding day!
Lastly, if you’re always in the middle
of a ruckus or you’re at every party holding in town, that don’t look so
good. It won’t send a good impression. Another important point is dress
sense. Now I’m no prude. I’m all for looking good. I’m not advocating
we all wear dowdy ankle length boubous. Nah. All I’m saying is look good
within the bounds of decency without throwing everything in our face.
Back
to this love matter, from experience, I’d say just hook up with someone
you have GIST with. The sex will fade, the money may dry up, the kids
will grow up and leave the house. Every other thing will fade but so
long as you both have gist, you’ll always stick together. And of course,
whatever you do, ask God for direction. He’ll sort you out.
Bottom
line is that we lie on our bed the way we make it. It’s totally your
call to decide how you want to live your life. The company you want to
keep and how you want to relate with men.
Just don’t go about telling everyone that your heart was broken when it all comes crashing down on your head.
As for single girls dating married men, you know exactly what you’re doing so no comment from me.
Enough said.
No comments:
Post a Comment